Saturday, November 21, 2015
Monday, November 2, 2015
Thank You Kansas City Royals
Be happy for me Met's fans. Much as you wanted this win, you cannot possibly have needed it worse than I. I've never been able to afford tickets to sports events, though I've gotten to watch a handful of Royals or Chiefs games courtesy of an employer. Any more, I can't watch the games because I get so tense. I even complain sometimes when my favorite shows are preempted by such an event. I've been heard to complain that the Kansas City fan base is a little "nutso". But I never cease to hope that "my" teams will win.
Sunday night when I went upstairs to bed, the final game of the World Series was tied. Suddenly, just as I was slipping off to sleep, my entire neighborhood went crazy. Fireworks and gunshots, shouts and celebrating let me know the Royals had won. Quiet tears of joy were "leaking" from my eyes. Embarrassing!
Oh, c'mon it can't be that important you say! Well, if you'd had my weekend, you would understand. A long-term goal of mine had fallen through on Saturday. It was almost a faith shaking disappointment. I'd spent all day Sunday overcoming an event-caused depression.
This wasn't the first time the Kansas City Royals had saved the day for me. In July, 1985, I sold my house and moved my two sons and myself to the Tampa, FL, area. During my nine-month stay there, I never found full-time work. I found temp jobs for forty hours a week and part-time permanent jobs. The salaries were so low that working sixty hours a week I was having a rough time making the rent.
Then, in the fall when I was in despair, the St. Louis Cardinals and the Kansas City Royals faced off for the World Series. Having grown up in Southern Illinois, the St. Louis Cardinals had always been my team until the Royals came to Kansas City, my new home town. I was unreasonably happy that my two favorite teams were playing each other. I hadn't planned on choosing a favorite until Jimmy the Greek said the Royals didn't stand a chance against the Cards. As everybody knows, the Royals didn't let me down.
A long-term temp job ended and I was back to hit and miss assignments. There had been no real fall. Christmas Eve had been 85 degrees. If a relative hadn't sent a monetary gift, there wouldn't have been gifts for my boys. When I'd been there almost nine months, the only time I'd seen the Gulf was crossing to St. Petersburg for the funeral of a supervisor's husband. Hurricane Elena had sat off the coast for 24 hours slamming tornadoes at us. While I was always working, my boys were at home racking up $100 a month phone bills no matter what I said. They were lonely.
The final straw was when a teacher at my night job told me the administration was going to have me teach a Saturday class. When would I clean, cook, buy groceries? I rented an eighteen foot Ryder. Because I had two passengers, I couldn't rent an automatic transmission. I had to shift my way through mountains and everything, pulling my car behind. I found temporary work immediately and in a little over a month had a full time job.
All these memories have been pouring in during this World Series. I know I made the right decision about the move and about the Royals. They saved my spirits again last night.
Take heart Met's fans. Your team will win again some day -- maybe just when you need it.
Sunday night when I went upstairs to bed, the final game of the World Series was tied. Suddenly, just as I was slipping off to sleep, my entire neighborhood went crazy. Fireworks and gunshots, shouts and celebrating let me know the Royals had won. Quiet tears of joy were "leaking" from my eyes. Embarrassing!
Oh, c'mon it can't be that important you say! Well, if you'd had my weekend, you would understand. A long-term goal of mine had fallen through on Saturday. It was almost a faith shaking disappointment. I'd spent all day Sunday overcoming an event-caused depression.
This wasn't the first time the Kansas City Royals had saved the day for me. In July, 1985, I sold my house and moved my two sons and myself to the Tampa, FL, area. During my nine-month stay there, I never found full-time work. I found temp jobs for forty hours a week and part-time permanent jobs. The salaries were so low that working sixty hours a week I was having a rough time making the rent.
Then, in the fall when I was in despair, the St. Louis Cardinals and the Kansas City Royals faced off for the World Series. Having grown up in Southern Illinois, the St. Louis Cardinals had always been my team until the Royals came to Kansas City, my new home town. I was unreasonably happy that my two favorite teams were playing each other. I hadn't planned on choosing a favorite until Jimmy the Greek said the Royals didn't stand a chance against the Cards. As everybody knows, the Royals didn't let me down.
A long-term temp job ended and I was back to hit and miss assignments. There had been no real fall. Christmas Eve had been 85 degrees. If a relative hadn't sent a monetary gift, there wouldn't have been gifts for my boys. When I'd been there almost nine months, the only time I'd seen the Gulf was crossing to St. Petersburg for the funeral of a supervisor's husband. Hurricane Elena had sat off the coast for 24 hours slamming tornadoes at us. While I was always working, my boys were at home racking up $100 a month phone bills no matter what I said. They were lonely.
The final straw was when a teacher at my night job told me the administration was going to have me teach a Saturday class. When would I clean, cook, buy groceries? I rented an eighteen foot Ryder. Because I had two passengers, I couldn't rent an automatic transmission. I had to shift my way through mountains and everything, pulling my car behind. I found temporary work immediately and in a little over a month had a full time job.
All these memories have been pouring in during this World Series. I know I made the right decision about the move and about the Royals. They saved my spirits again last night.
Take heart Met's fans. Your team will win again some day -- maybe just when you need it.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Are We From The Same Planet?
There is a piece in the November 2, 2015, Time about advice on the internet. It references advice columns dating from the 1690's up to and including Dear Abby and Miss Manners. A typical question to Dear Abby was, "how is a guy supposed to know if a girl is cold, playing hard-to-get or just nice?" Permit me to try to answer. Well, cold is not nice and neither is game playing, so how did that word get in the same sentence with the others? Did he possibly mean to ask if the girl was a good girl? And was he equating being a good girl to being cold?
I'd like to say, well, duh, if she doesn't respond to you at all, she probably isn't into you at all, but that seems a little harsh. There is that off-chance that she really is playing a game. Even if the latter is the case, it would be healthier to run off in any direction. If she entraps you by game playing, you will be forever locked into games which always end with bad feelings for all.
Many books have been written to help others find a mate. In fact, research projects have been conducted about people's sexual needs, prowess and fantasies. Young people today don't have the advantages of knowing what the Kinsey research found out, like men think about sex every few seconds, but women have other things on their minds.
Men, per the Kinsey report, think about having sex with people in their everyday lives. Women prefer to dream about an unknown male we would probably refer to as a knight in shining armor, or else some celebrity. In other words, men and women are usually not even on the same page.
Then there was the age of body language and it's interpretation. There were experts that said if a woman crossed her arms over her chest and crossed one leg over the other, she was signaling she was not available to you. Other experts said, no, that meant they wanted you, but were just in denial. And the experts in body language in business settings said it was that people were not liking what you were saying and were shutting you out. Shutting out or not, it brought new fads. There was a long period of time when moronic men, entering a room where there was a single female or a really hot married one, would slap his arms across his chest and his leg over the other emphatically denying his availability. I guess if a woman was interested, it might have hurt. But the general response was genuine anger that he thought he was such a hot commodity that anyone had noticed him before the gesture. It also told the women he was projecting his own feelings toward them.
Following in jig time were cautions that body language in one part of the country was not the same as that in another. Having lived in five states, I can say that this is true. In two of them, I've been exposed to a movement I don't understand. The man leans forward from the waist up and in a large sweeping motion, waves his chest in front of the woman's. The first time it happened to me, my entire body startled. I was at his door asking if my missing young son were there with his son. I still don't know what it means, but he and I were definitely not on the same page and my body told him so. By the second or third time from other men, I wasn't surprised, but just ignored it.
There is another unreadable signal that's happened only in my current city and I have not a clue what it means either. The man faces the woman and places his hands palm inward and touching his hips, with his fingers pointing at the woman -- the hands are resting parallel to his genitals. Now, I could say that sexual as this seems he may be inviting the chick to bed. But on the other hand, it's possible it's a new form of flashing the middle finger to tell her to go to hell.
Whatever, it's all too primal for my tastes! Men back in my day would walk up and ask us to go out for coffee or a movie. The shy ones sent a mutual friend to find out if we were interested. Of course, when I think of the cost of Starbucks or a theater ticket, I almost don't blame the guy for trying to get by on charm. But if all he is looking for is getting laid on the cheap, let me suggest he find someone on the corner a couple or three blocks from my house.
Which brings us to goals. What is it you are really looking for when you approach a woman? Just sex? Your goal should dictate whom you approach and how. Are you looking for a relationship? Then, it is probably important to take age into account. An eighteen year old male and a fifty year old woman probably have nothing in common. Yet, time after time, I've witnessed a younger male move in on a woman that much older than he. Same can be said for thirty to seventy or forty to seventy-five. What is the motivation for such a move? Sex? Wouldn't sex with someone young and pretty be a more sane move? Or are you just thinking someone that much older would be more vulnerable? If that's the reason, you are disrespecting yourself as well as the woman. You feel so badly about yourself that you think you can't get someone your own age? Are you looking for a mother? Do you think they have more money than someone your age? On Social Security (LOL)? What are you hoping?
Are you wanting to start a family? Is that your goal? Well, certainly you need someone at least under forty. A lot of women go through the change in their fifties. A woman I once worked with remarried her ex. They were in agreement before the marriage that there would be no more children. After the fact, he decided he did want more and nagged her to use artificial insemination. Pregnancy, guys is hard on a young woman, much less on someone who has passed her fertile years. What was he thinking?
There are also cultural differences. One mentioned in body language books was about young women from families that used chaperons to go on dates with the young. These girls could afford to be more relaxed with their movements because the chaperon was there to protect them.
One male, who was Asian, had a habit of expressing his availability by bending his knee and raising it, then turning it to the side, exposing and thrusting his clothed genital area. I don't think anybody would misinterpret that intent, but get real guy! Women aren't animals out on the street running with a pack of mongrels. That's way, way, way too primal for most of us.
So, in summation, know your own goals. Are you looking for just sex, unmarried relationships, marriage and parenthood or mere affirmation of your sexual self? Pick your target population with that in mind. People your age are more likely to have your same desires and goals. They probably like the same kind of music and movies. Know your gender. Women, if they are looking, are more likely to be looking for a relationship and men for sex. Women who are looking to start families want solid citizens with jobs and stability. Women who have reared one family are not usually looking for number two. This includes new infants or infantile mates. A school teacher, lawyer or doctor is not inclined to want to be with a wanabe mechanic who is going to spend all his evening with his head under the hood of a car. A real mechanic doesn't want to come home to work on her garage full of used cars.
Women like Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe or Kim Kardashian are the kind that multitudes of men would like to ensnare. But, unless you are Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Brad Pitt or Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, you are unlikely to get to first base. We all have to face reality and set our goals accordingly unless we love putting ourselves in the path of pain.
And remember, just because Kim Kardashian is the stuff of your fantasies doesn't mean you are the stuff of hers. So, be careful not to project your own needs and feelings onto them. They probably didn't get the same memo you did. Like the book title says, women are from Venus and men from Mars. Or is that the other way around? When it comes to mating, we definitely are not from the same planet.
I'd like to say, well, duh, if she doesn't respond to you at all, she probably isn't into you at all, but that seems a little harsh. There is that off-chance that she really is playing a game. Even if the latter is the case, it would be healthier to run off in any direction. If she entraps you by game playing, you will be forever locked into games which always end with bad feelings for all.
Many books have been written to help others find a mate. In fact, research projects have been conducted about people's sexual needs, prowess and fantasies. Young people today don't have the advantages of knowing what the Kinsey research found out, like men think about sex every few seconds, but women have other things on their minds.
Men, per the Kinsey report, think about having sex with people in their everyday lives. Women prefer to dream about an unknown male we would probably refer to as a knight in shining armor, or else some celebrity. In other words, men and women are usually not even on the same page.
Then there was the age of body language and it's interpretation. There were experts that said if a woman crossed her arms over her chest and crossed one leg over the other, she was signaling she was not available to you. Other experts said, no, that meant they wanted you, but were just in denial. And the experts in body language in business settings said it was that people were not liking what you were saying and were shutting you out. Shutting out or not, it brought new fads. There was a long period of time when moronic men, entering a room where there was a single female or a really hot married one, would slap his arms across his chest and his leg over the other emphatically denying his availability. I guess if a woman was interested, it might have hurt. But the general response was genuine anger that he thought he was such a hot commodity that anyone had noticed him before the gesture. It also told the women he was projecting his own feelings toward them.
Following in jig time were cautions that body language in one part of the country was not the same as that in another. Having lived in five states, I can say that this is true. In two of them, I've been exposed to a movement I don't understand. The man leans forward from the waist up and in a large sweeping motion, waves his chest in front of the woman's. The first time it happened to me, my entire body startled. I was at his door asking if my missing young son were there with his son. I still don't know what it means, but he and I were definitely not on the same page and my body told him so. By the second or third time from other men, I wasn't surprised, but just ignored it.
There is another unreadable signal that's happened only in my current city and I have not a clue what it means either. The man faces the woman and places his hands palm inward and touching his hips, with his fingers pointing at the woman -- the hands are resting parallel to his genitals. Now, I could say that sexual as this seems he may be inviting the chick to bed. But on the other hand, it's possible it's a new form of flashing the middle finger to tell her to go to hell.
Whatever, it's all too primal for my tastes! Men back in my day would walk up and ask us to go out for coffee or a movie. The shy ones sent a mutual friend to find out if we were interested. Of course, when I think of the cost of Starbucks or a theater ticket, I almost don't blame the guy for trying to get by on charm. But if all he is looking for is getting laid on the cheap, let me suggest he find someone on the corner a couple or three blocks from my house.
Which brings us to goals. What is it you are really looking for when you approach a woman? Just sex? Your goal should dictate whom you approach and how. Are you looking for a relationship? Then, it is probably important to take age into account. An eighteen year old male and a fifty year old woman probably have nothing in common. Yet, time after time, I've witnessed a younger male move in on a woman that much older than he. Same can be said for thirty to seventy or forty to seventy-five. What is the motivation for such a move? Sex? Wouldn't sex with someone young and pretty be a more sane move? Or are you just thinking someone that much older would be more vulnerable? If that's the reason, you are disrespecting yourself as well as the woman. You feel so badly about yourself that you think you can't get someone your own age? Are you looking for a mother? Do you think they have more money than someone your age? On Social Security (LOL)? What are you hoping?
Are you wanting to start a family? Is that your goal? Well, certainly you need someone at least under forty. A lot of women go through the change in their fifties. A woman I once worked with remarried her ex. They were in agreement before the marriage that there would be no more children. After the fact, he decided he did want more and nagged her to use artificial insemination. Pregnancy, guys is hard on a young woman, much less on someone who has passed her fertile years. What was he thinking?
There are also cultural differences. One mentioned in body language books was about young women from families that used chaperons to go on dates with the young. These girls could afford to be more relaxed with their movements because the chaperon was there to protect them.
One male, who was Asian, had a habit of expressing his availability by bending his knee and raising it, then turning it to the side, exposing and thrusting his clothed genital area. I don't think anybody would misinterpret that intent, but get real guy! Women aren't animals out on the street running with a pack of mongrels. That's way, way, way too primal for most of us.
So, in summation, know your own goals. Are you looking for just sex, unmarried relationships, marriage and parenthood or mere affirmation of your sexual self? Pick your target population with that in mind. People your age are more likely to have your same desires and goals. They probably like the same kind of music and movies. Know your gender. Women, if they are looking, are more likely to be looking for a relationship and men for sex. Women who are looking to start families want solid citizens with jobs and stability. Women who have reared one family are not usually looking for number two. This includes new infants or infantile mates. A school teacher, lawyer or doctor is not inclined to want to be with a wanabe mechanic who is going to spend all his evening with his head under the hood of a car. A real mechanic doesn't want to come home to work on her garage full of used cars.
Women like Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe or Kim Kardashian are the kind that multitudes of men would like to ensnare. But, unless you are Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Brad Pitt or Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, you are unlikely to get to first base. We all have to face reality and set our goals accordingly unless we love putting ourselves in the path of pain.
And remember, just because Kim Kardashian is the stuff of your fantasies doesn't mean you are the stuff of hers. So, be careful not to project your own needs and feelings onto them. They probably didn't get the same memo you did. Like the book title says, women are from Venus and men from Mars. Or is that the other way around? When it comes to mating, we definitely are not from the same planet.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Not Nice, Just Likable
There was a person in my world for some time who thought nothing of telling falsehoods. Said person was extremely good at it, so good that someone could be telling the truth beside the person and he/she telling a bald-faced lie, and people would believe the liar.
The other day, I was listening to someone describing an individual I did not know. A long list of stories was being told which included a couple of low-level crimes. Then the narrator said the individual was a "nice person". When faced with skepticism from a listener, the story teller said, "No, really, this is a really nice individual".
I don't think so. I think he/she is a really likable, though not nice, person. Do you understand the difference between likable and nice?
A nice person is always polite and thinks of others. He avoids breaking laws. She places other's needs before her own, sometimes to her own detriment. A nice person would never knowingly create problems and then not try to help resolve them. They are not perfect, but they do their best to do the right thing when needed.
Not all good or nice people are likable. Not all likable people are good or nice.
Take the con artist. Nobody would ever be able to pull a con on someone unless they had a likable personality. They can pull off a sting with ease because others want to please them. Others want them to be as good inside as they appear on the surface -- the facade.
A bully, for instance, makes people do his/her bidding by exercising brute force. Who likes a bully? But, if a bully learns to finesse and manipulate, to be persuasive and likable, he can be seen to be nice. The facade is deceiving. The core is still bully.
There are a lot of levels of nice/not nice in the spectrum of humans. Figuring out the difference is necessary for us to survive, at least emotionally. Unfortunately, we live in a world where not everybody is trustworthy. Knowing the difference between nice and likable could come in very handy.
The other day, I was listening to someone describing an individual I did not know. A long list of stories was being told which included a couple of low-level crimes. Then the narrator said the individual was a "nice person". When faced with skepticism from a listener, the story teller said, "No, really, this is a really nice individual".
I don't think so. I think he/she is a really likable, though not nice, person. Do you understand the difference between likable and nice?
A nice person is always polite and thinks of others. He avoids breaking laws. She places other's needs before her own, sometimes to her own detriment. A nice person would never knowingly create problems and then not try to help resolve them. They are not perfect, but they do their best to do the right thing when needed.
Not all good or nice people are likable. Not all likable people are good or nice.
Take the con artist. Nobody would ever be able to pull a con on someone unless they had a likable personality. They can pull off a sting with ease because others want to please them. Others want them to be as good inside as they appear on the surface -- the facade.
A bully, for instance, makes people do his/her bidding by exercising brute force. Who likes a bully? But, if a bully learns to finesse and manipulate, to be persuasive and likable, he can be seen to be nice. The facade is deceiving. The core is still bully.
There are a lot of levels of nice/not nice in the spectrum of humans. Figuring out the difference is necessary for us to survive, at least emotionally. Unfortunately, we live in a world where not everybody is trustworthy. Knowing the difference between nice and likable could come in very handy.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
An Open Letter About Windows 10 *
Thank you for the free download of Windows 10. I'm learning a lot as I transition from my Windows 7 program.
Regrettably, I am experiencing some adjustment problems and need to ask for help -- more than can be easily accessed on the internet.
I'm not asking for a long, involved explanation. I just need an adjustment to the software when you can do it.
1. This problem began with Windows 7. If you are reading this, you are aware I am a blogger. I type (key) fairly fast and while I am zipping through my manuscript, the type will change size. Sometimes this happens several times in one article. In addition, the bar across the top that says
File Edit View Favorites Tools Help
disappeared from view. While I still had Version 7, I could hit the alt key and the bar would return long enough for one action. (I had to hit it three times to copy, cut and paste, etc.) Now the text has become almost excruciatingly small and the alt key does not produce the bar. I've tried using the magnifier but 100% is where it is now and 200%, the next option, puts most of the article off the page. I cannot see what else to do, and lack the correct terminology to ask the computer for help.
At first I though it was a blogger problem, but it happened in Facebook the other night, too. This time, nothing seems to increase the size except the magnifier and I've already described the frustration with it.
2. My second problem is related to accessing my two Hotmail and two Facebook accounts. Older versions permitted us to tell the machine both the account name and the password and we could switch from account to account. Now, whatever we accessed last just pops up automatically.
3. The third problem is that I cannot always close just one window at a time like I could in earlier versions. For instance, I'm in Hotmail reading an answer to a post I made on Facebook, but I don't remember what I said. I click on the icon to view my words. Then when I click the X to close the window, I frequently get the offer to close all or the offer to cancel. I need one for closing just that window.
I know this is a strange way of asking for help, but if I am having these problems, perhaps others are, too. I'm by no means a computer expert, but I'm not a complete novice either. Help please!
*Thanks to those who have helped me to resolve most of my problems. I am grateful!!
Regrettably, I am experiencing some adjustment problems and need to ask for help -- more than can be easily accessed on the internet.
I'm not asking for a long, involved explanation. I just need an adjustment to the software when you can do it.
1. This problem began with Windows 7. If you are reading this, you are aware I am a blogger. I type (key) fairly fast and while I am zipping through my manuscript, the type will change size. Sometimes this happens several times in one article. In addition, the bar across the top that says
File Edit View Favorites Tools Help
disappeared from view. While I still had Version 7, I could hit the alt key and the bar would return long enough for one action. (I had to hit it three times to copy, cut and paste, etc.) Now the text has become almost excruciatingly small and the alt key does not produce the bar. I've tried using the magnifier but 100% is where it is now and 200%, the next option, puts most of the article off the page. I cannot see what else to do, and lack the correct terminology to ask the computer for help.
At first I though it was a blogger problem, but it happened in Facebook the other night, too. This time, nothing seems to increase the size except the magnifier and I've already described the frustration with it.
2. My second problem is related to accessing my two Hotmail and two Facebook accounts. Older versions permitted us to tell the machine both the account name and the password and we could switch from account to account. Now, whatever we accessed last just pops up automatically.
3. The third problem is that I cannot always close just one window at a time like I could in earlier versions. For instance, I'm in Hotmail reading an answer to a post I made on Facebook, but I don't remember what I said. I click on the icon to view my words. Then when I click the X to close the window, I frequently get the offer to close all or the offer to cancel. I need one for closing just that window.
I know this is a strange way of asking for help, but if I am having these problems, perhaps others are, too. I'm by no means a computer expert, but I'm not a complete novice either. Help please!
*Thanks to those who have helped me to resolve most of my problems. I am grateful!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Walking On Eggshells
I heard a well-known family therapist speak one time about communication within the family. He used his own mother as an example of someone the family was always "walking on eggshells with"; someone one could not engage in communication with about her participation in family problems. If anybody suggested to her, however mildly, that she might make some changes so family interactions could go better, she would take offense. How dare anyone "criticize" her? Thus communications and interactions in the family could never completely improve.
Communications experts teach us now that rather than telling someone that their behaviors are causing a problem, we tell them how their behaviors make us feel -- unloved, angry, left out, frustrated, whatever.
I don't believe it is too far fetched to say that good communication is the basis of good relationships. Without it, there is no relationship. People have to be able to address any and all issues honestly and completely. And the experts are correct -- it is better to present how you feel than it is to accuse the other person of wrongdoing. And oh, how hard that is! I could use lessons in this.
It might be considered that the person who cannot accept and admit to their own errors in interactions has a poor self concept. A more self assured person would take a more assertive stance and ask for more information and determine if the other individual has a genuine "case", so to speak. If they have, you might want to adjust your own behaviors to ease the stress in the relationship.
I once heard (through the paper thin walls of an apartment house), a man tell a woman, "I am not the one being unreasonable about this. You are." It was no surprise when he moved out before the week was up. Apparently nobody was accepting responsibility for the rift. Nobody was guilty. Nobody was saying, "There may not be anything wrong or unreasonable about the way you are acting, but here is how it make me feel."
It boils down to everyone accepting responsibility for the rifts. It is crucial to the healing process.
All problem interactions are power struggles of one kind or another. There are no winners of power struggles unless all parties accept responsibility and hold themselves accountable. This is true in the home, workplace, and the community at large. Good communication is a recognition of everyone's needs and then negotiation to compromise.
Communications experts teach us now that rather than telling someone that their behaviors are causing a problem, we tell them how their behaviors make us feel -- unloved, angry, left out, frustrated, whatever.
I don't believe it is too far fetched to say that good communication is the basis of good relationships. Without it, there is no relationship. People have to be able to address any and all issues honestly and completely. And the experts are correct -- it is better to present how you feel than it is to accuse the other person of wrongdoing. And oh, how hard that is! I could use lessons in this.
It might be considered that the person who cannot accept and admit to their own errors in interactions has a poor self concept. A more self assured person would take a more assertive stance and ask for more information and determine if the other individual has a genuine "case", so to speak. If they have, you might want to adjust your own behaviors to ease the stress in the relationship.
I once heard (through the paper thin walls of an apartment house), a man tell a woman, "I am not the one being unreasonable about this. You are." It was no surprise when he moved out before the week was up. Apparently nobody was accepting responsibility for the rift. Nobody was guilty. Nobody was saying, "There may not be anything wrong or unreasonable about the way you are acting, but here is how it make me feel."
It boils down to everyone accepting responsibility for the rifts. It is crucial to the healing process.
All problem interactions are power struggles of one kind or another. There are no winners of power struggles unless all parties accept responsibility and hold themselves accountable. This is true in the home, workplace, and the community at large. Good communication is a recognition of everyone's needs and then negotiation to compromise.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Have You Ever Seen A Ghost?
Time Magazine's September 21, 2015 issue features questions with celebrity answers. Some of the responders are really famous like George Takai. Others are scientists who want infallible proof for things. I scanned through part of this section and zeroed in on the question about ghosts. Mr. Takai was quite certain there are. He said he sees them everywhere when he goes back to someplace he has been in the past. His description is of memories rather than ghosts -- ghost memories, perhaps?
The scientific dude says ghosts have never been scientifically proven, ergo they do not exist. I don't blame him for being a disbeliever. I was, too, for most of my life. There is nothing like seeing your first ghost to know that they are very, very real. It's most amusing when others you have known to be disbelievers see ghosts, also.
For instance, some friends of mine were moving into a new home. They were almost at the point of rage that anyone could believe there was such a thing. By the time they had spent twenty years there, they were singing a different tune. The previous homeowners had been dancers. My friends had looked up to see a man dressed in a Spanish dancer's costume checking out his outfit in a mirror. They said they sometimes heard people in the home talking. They couldn't hear and understand the words, just hear the voices.
I had seen my first ghost once before, but I didn't realize he was a ghost. I did wonder why the neighbor's who were doing their lawn work didn't acknowledge him when he was running around in glee and approaching them over and over. I shrugged and thought well, whatever.
Then one night I was home alone and came streaking out of a steamy bathroom. There he stood again, all smiley and friendly. I rushed into my bedroom and closed the door. Once I was dressed, I searched the apartment. All the locks and chains were in place. I was so sure there was no such thing as ghosts that I searched for days for some kind of secret entrance. I never found one.
I will have to say that he looked like a full color hologram that night, thus reinforcing the scary suspicion that I was seeing a spirit and not a live person.
Fifteen or more years later and in another apartment complex, I had another shock. There was a man I had seen visiting a neighbor on several occasions. That same man walked right through my upstairs hallway. He was carrying and reading some kind of paper. While I stared with open mouth and stunned silence, he glanced my way. He was every bit as startled to see me as I was to see him. It read all over his face. Then he just walked through the wall to the next apartment. He, too, looked like a full color hologram.
Both times I said approximately the same thing to these ghosts. "I know you are here, because I have seen you. I guess you mean me no harm or I would be harmed already. So, I assume we can peacefully coexist. Just don't let me ever see you again". I've never seen them again.
I have enough of a scientific bent not to want to believe there are ghosts, but I have seen the "living, breathing" evidence that there are. Well, in a ghostly way at least.
But, then, who cares what I know or think? I'm not a celebrity or a scientist.
The scientific dude says ghosts have never been scientifically proven, ergo they do not exist. I don't blame him for being a disbeliever. I was, too, for most of my life. There is nothing like seeing your first ghost to know that they are very, very real. It's most amusing when others you have known to be disbelievers see ghosts, also.
For instance, some friends of mine were moving into a new home. They were almost at the point of rage that anyone could believe there was such a thing. By the time they had spent twenty years there, they were singing a different tune. The previous homeowners had been dancers. My friends had looked up to see a man dressed in a Spanish dancer's costume checking out his outfit in a mirror. They said they sometimes heard people in the home talking. They couldn't hear and understand the words, just hear the voices.
I had seen my first ghost once before, but I didn't realize he was a ghost. I did wonder why the neighbor's who were doing their lawn work didn't acknowledge him when he was running around in glee and approaching them over and over. I shrugged and thought well, whatever.
Then one night I was home alone and came streaking out of a steamy bathroom. There he stood again, all smiley and friendly. I rushed into my bedroom and closed the door. Once I was dressed, I searched the apartment. All the locks and chains were in place. I was so sure there was no such thing as ghosts that I searched for days for some kind of secret entrance. I never found one.
I will have to say that he looked like a full color hologram that night, thus reinforcing the scary suspicion that I was seeing a spirit and not a live person.
Fifteen or more years later and in another apartment complex, I had another shock. There was a man I had seen visiting a neighbor on several occasions. That same man walked right through my upstairs hallway. He was carrying and reading some kind of paper. While I stared with open mouth and stunned silence, he glanced my way. He was every bit as startled to see me as I was to see him. It read all over his face. Then he just walked through the wall to the next apartment. He, too, looked like a full color hologram.
Both times I said approximately the same thing to these ghosts. "I know you are here, because I have seen you. I guess you mean me no harm or I would be harmed already. So, I assume we can peacefully coexist. Just don't let me ever see you again". I've never seen them again.
I have enough of a scientific bent not to want to believe there are ghosts, but I have seen the "living, breathing" evidence that there are. Well, in a ghostly way at least.
But, then, who cares what I know or think? I'm not a celebrity or a scientist.
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