After many, many years, I finally forgave a relative of mine. The offense was not a small one and it was committed over and over for years. It is probably the very offense which caused my need for total autonomy, which does not exist, of course. I wonder if that person ever got around to forgiving me for my part in our toxic interactions. I'll never know, as the person preceded me in death. That speaks to the need for forgiving each other more often and face to face when possible, doesn't it?
I'd like to tell you that the forgiveness lifted a burden from my shoulders. It did not. I simply believe it was the right thing to do and that the Almighty is happy I did it.
I've heard it said many times that anger and resentment harm the individual who nurses the feelings, rather than the person who is the target of them. Frequently, the individual is emotionally consumed by them. It can affect their entire lives and erode their happiness. I don't think my anger was that destructive. In fact, I was probably more hurt than angry. But it is good, nevertheless, for me to be over it.
Can you forgive others for offenses, large or small? I hope so. Many religious people believe it is necessary for our improved relationship with God.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Severe Tests
Anybody of Jewish or Christian faith should know about Job and his trials and tribulations. God allowed Job's faith to be tested, and he passed with flying colors.
Not all of us are as good at maintaining our equilibrium as Job. Some of us, even if we eventually pass our crucibles, whine the whole way through.
My Mother was prone to wonder aloud why some people seemed to have such easier lives than others. She had lost her Mother and her husband at far too early ages. She was never done with grieving their deaths.
The simple answer, Mother, may be you were stronger than the ones you perceived as having "easy" lives. So, you may have been able to withstand more serious tests. It may be that you were unaware of their particular heartaches. Their crucibles may have been less visible than yours. Or, for those who believe our souls return to this world time after time, until we "get it right", it might appear that your soul was older and was ready to handle more.
I'm sure it is desirable that we don't whine so much as I did during my last severe test. (I kept telling God over and over -- this crucible is too hard, God). But I think the important thing is that we demonstrate the strength to survive them.
Not all of us are as good at maintaining our equilibrium as Job. Some of us, even if we eventually pass our crucibles, whine the whole way through.
My Mother was prone to wonder aloud why some people seemed to have such easier lives than others. She had lost her Mother and her husband at far too early ages. She was never done with grieving their deaths.
The simple answer, Mother, may be you were stronger than the ones you perceived as having "easy" lives. So, you may have been able to withstand more serious tests. It may be that you were unaware of their particular heartaches. Their crucibles may have been less visible than yours. Or, for those who believe our souls return to this world time after time, until we "get it right", it might appear that your soul was older and was ready to handle more.
I'm sure it is desirable that we don't whine so much as I did during my last severe test. (I kept telling God over and over -- this crucible is too hard, God). But I think the important thing is that we demonstrate the strength to survive them.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Sniggering Adults
Society is dealing a lot on television and the internet with teen cliques and bullying. Oh, how they should! Everyone knows there are multiple gangs of people in all high schools. The members of some of them take pride in tormenting people who are different from themselves. They stand around whispering, tittering and sniggering until graduation. Just as for the high school jock who winds up selling used cars and going nowhere, many of these people, male and female, remain fixated at high school maturity level.
I'm not talking about somewhat slow learners whose tested maturity age is lower than their chronological age. In many ways they are smarter than the sniggering adults. I'm discussing people who, even though they may have gotten two-year degrees somewhere, remain stuck in clique mode the rest of their lives. They see someone with five kids walking down the street, they move mouth to ear and whisper, whisper, titter, titter until the other moves away.
Included are clusters of two to four guys, watching someone doing yard work, their heads in a clutch, their laughter peeling as they whisper to each other.
How do we know they are being catty? Of course, we don't. But what would be the point of whispering if it were complimentary?
In many ways I'm sorry for these individuals who have nothing better to do with their time than gather in clutches and bad mouth their coworkers or acquaintances. How sad for them that they have no goals for learning and achieving at their best level. If they did have, they wouldn't have time to waste sniggering at and putting down their casual acquaintances. They would be too busy improving themselves.
I'm not talking about somewhat slow learners whose tested maturity age is lower than their chronological age. In many ways they are smarter than the sniggering adults. I'm discussing people who, even though they may have gotten two-year degrees somewhere, remain stuck in clique mode the rest of their lives. They see someone with five kids walking down the street, they move mouth to ear and whisper, whisper, titter, titter until the other moves away.
Included are clusters of two to four guys, watching someone doing yard work, their heads in a clutch, their laughter peeling as they whisper to each other.
How do we know they are being catty? Of course, we don't. But what would be the point of whispering if it were complimentary?
In many ways I'm sorry for these individuals who have nothing better to do with their time than gather in clutches and bad mouth their coworkers or acquaintances. How sad for them that they have no goals for learning and achieving at their best level. If they did have, they wouldn't have time to waste sniggering at and putting down their casual acquaintances. They would be too busy improving themselves.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Lost In A Time Warp
Back in the "boonies"(*1) of time -- another word of my own invention - Neanderthal type people clubbed others over the head in order to get their own way. In other words, they were barbarians.
Per The Random House College Dictionary, a barbarian is a person in a savage, primitive state . . . uncivilized . . . without culture or education . . . philistine . . . crude. This term is being bandied about freely in describing the wild, hard headed, radical, militant Muslims of the Middle East. And it does seem a proper description of their behavior. (And if you don't like being called Barbarian, quit behaving like barbarians.)
So, why in this world are people actually saying that the rest of the world should try to negotiate instead of war their way to a "lasting peace" with them?
To enter negotiations, both sides need to be able to think, be merciful, be open minded, care about humanity in general and be living in the same era of time as each other. These people are nothing like the rest of this world, so let's get in touch with reality. They are lost in a time warp of sorts. Negotiation is not on this banquet table, because the aggressors do not live in reality. The real world is beyond their comprehension. All they understand is that they want to kill, kill, kill. And they embarrass Allah by saying they do it in his name.
*1 You know, out in the boondocks, only of time instead of rural America.
Per The Random House College Dictionary, a barbarian is a person in a savage, primitive state . . . uncivilized . . . without culture or education . . . philistine . . . crude. This term is being bandied about freely in describing the wild, hard headed, radical, militant Muslims of the Middle East. And it does seem a proper description of their behavior. (And if you don't like being called Barbarian, quit behaving like barbarians.)
So, why in this world are people actually saying that the rest of the world should try to negotiate instead of war their way to a "lasting peace" with them?
To enter negotiations, both sides need to be able to think, be merciful, be open minded, care about humanity in general and be living in the same era of time as each other. These people are nothing like the rest of this world, so let's get in touch with reality. They are lost in a time warp of sorts. Negotiation is not on this banquet table, because the aggressors do not live in reality. The real world is beyond their comprehension. All they understand is that they want to kill, kill, kill. And they embarrass Allah by saying they do it in his name.
*1 You know, out in the boondocks, only of time instead of rural America.
Monday, September 15, 2014
On Being A Couch Potato -- And Loving It
Now we have to plan how we will spend our retirement. We can't just enjoy it, we have to plan it, program it and worry it to death. Planning the finances, a luxury of the well off, isn't enough. We have to know in advance whether to travel, to hike, to sky dive, to subscribe to Rosetta Stone language discs or to make a mountain out of a molehill.
A recent article in the AARP Bulletin stated retirement can last a long time. Wrong. It is not nearly long enough. The article says if we retire at 65, men should have around seventeen years and women twenty. They see that as a long time? That's a mere flash in the pan.
My complex plan? To do all the things I didn't have time to do while working. Are we talking sky diving here? Not a chance! We're talking reading, writing and yeah, even "rithmetic" -- fantasy induced mathematical problems of how to spend fantasy money that keeps the mind functioning. Forget Suduko. Boring stuff! Make up your own problems of how you would share a sudden windfall with family and friends. Endless fun.
Like to knit, crochet, embroider, regular or crewel? How about music -- listening or playing? Television? DVDs? Throw in a little gardening and yard work? The day will come soon enough when you have to hire the teenagers next door.
Have trouble filling up those hours? Why? We couch potato types like ceramics, charcoal and chalk drawings, photography, redecorating, magazines, mysteries, bird watching.
There is no end to the life-changing, fun and valuable happenings to be had in unplanned retirements. It is so boomer of AARP to turn enjoyable living into a long-term tedious project.
You don't know what you will be missing.
A recent article in the AARP Bulletin stated retirement can last a long time. Wrong. It is not nearly long enough. The article says if we retire at 65, men should have around seventeen years and women twenty. They see that as a long time? That's a mere flash in the pan.
My complex plan? To do all the things I didn't have time to do while working. Are we talking sky diving here? Not a chance! We're talking reading, writing and yeah, even "rithmetic" -- fantasy induced mathematical problems of how to spend fantasy money that keeps the mind functioning. Forget Suduko. Boring stuff! Make up your own problems of how you would share a sudden windfall with family and friends. Endless fun.
Like to knit, crochet, embroider, regular or crewel? How about music -- listening or playing? Television? DVDs? Throw in a little gardening and yard work? The day will come soon enough when you have to hire the teenagers next door.
Have trouble filling up those hours? Why? We couch potato types like ceramics, charcoal and chalk drawings, photography, redecorating, magazines, mysteries, bird watching.
There is no end to the life-changing, fun and valuable happenings to be had in unplanned retirements. It is so boomer of AARP to turn enjoyable living into a long-term tedious project.
You don't know what you will be missing.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
The Center Of Attention
A person of my acquaintance used to say she wished that just once she could have been the center of attention. (As she talked nonstop, she was always the center of attention wherever she was. But that's a story for another time).
You've known people who wear the most nondescript casual clothes. Perhaps they talk very little. They sit at the back of the classroom and cringe for fear someone will notice them.
Then, there is the showoff who acts like children waving excitedly because they think they know the right answer. Children or adults, there are all kinds of human animals. Some have an insatiable need to be the center of it all. Others are content with just being, and being all they can be.
A recent incident called attention to the fact that while some people face adversity and just let it slide right off, others use it as an excuse for attention. Some ask for prayer support for themselves while ignoring the same kinds of requests from their friends. Some expect their friends and acquaintances to rally around them all the time. Others face the adversity just with the help of God.
As the saying goes, "Different Strokes for different folks." I don't worry too much about the center of attention types. They don't have any trouble getting their needs met. They whine and clamor until they do.
It's the quiet ones who can't ask for help and attention that I worry about. They weather the storms alone and probably could use a shoulder to cry on like the others.
Don't ignore the ones who seek your attention, but don't ignore the quiet ones either. They may be hiding their tears inside.
You've known people who wear the most nondescript casual clothes. Perhaps they talk very little. They sit at the back of the classroom and cringe for fear someone will notice them.
Then, there is the showoff who acts like children waving excitedly because they think they know the right answer. Children or adults, there are all kinds of human animals. Some have an insatiable need to be the center of it all. Others are content with just being, and being all they can be.
A recent incident called attention to the fact that while some people face adversity and just let it slide right off, others use it as an excuse for attention. Some ask for prayer support for themselves while ignoring the same kinds of requests from their friends. Some expect their friends and acquaintances to rally around them all the time. Others face the adversity just with the help of God.
As the saying goes, "Different Strokes for different folks." I don't worry too much about the center of attention types. They don't have any trouble getting their needs met. They whine and clamor until they do.
It's the quiet ones who can't ask for help and attention that I worry about. They weather the storms alone and probably could use a shoulder to cry on like the others.
Don't ignore the ones who seek your attention, but don't ignore the quiet ones either. They may be hiding their tears inside.
Monday, September 1, 2014
And A Hundred Other Things
A lifetime friend of mine is having a bad time this summer. And it will get worse before it gets better, because her husband has been put in a nursing home and she has been told he will not be going home again. No, she usually doesn't read my blogs.
Some of her friends, whom I have never met, were heard to say "if your husband were in a nursing home this summer and a hundred other things were going wrong . . ."
Remember Dang, my ex? Well, he has been in a nursing home for over two years. Although he has had three other wives since me, I still occasionally have little "do this's" to take care of for him. These seem to have slowed some since Easter. In fact, they have been at a dead standstill since my car broke down on August 7. If we can't find the correct part, which Oldsmobile quit making while knowing they had a problem with it, it will be terminal.
At the same time I got this good news, I noticed my driver's license had not arrived on schedule. I called the local office. They said to call the state. The state said they showed I had paid for it but it had not been printed. Thus, said they, I had to go back to the local office and take my proof of residency again . . . and stand in line again and wait again.
Now, presents a new dilemma. I have to travel thirteen or fourteen miles from home for a legally required matter, and my closest "real" friend was miles and miles the other way. My family that drives was even further. The friend that I called came to help. I gave her 20 of my last 30 dollars cash for gas and we went on our way. Ah, luck smiled after all -- the line was very short.
My friend said $20 was too much for gas, so decided we would use the extra $10 for lunch at a Chinese restaurant she had heard about. Around here, Chinese lunches are usually four or five dollars, but lunch that day was over eight per person. So, I wound up spending most of my last $10. Number one son came by and needed the rest for bus fare, since my car was down. I have been here broke long enough to receive the driver's license and almost run out of food. But never fear, payday is Wednesday and I'll have a ride to the store on Thursday or Friday.
While dealing with all the trauma today, the neighbor from h e double hockey sticks returned from a trip and a bat got into my home and flew downstairs into my living room. Now, folks, does it sound to you like I'm a stranger to trouble? If you have been following my three blogs, you know the real truth.
And then the current truth is that I let these friends of my friend rile me today when I should have just walked away --figuratively, that is.
But, of course, I would be better prepared to understand others if I had a husband in a nursing home and were dealing with a hundred other things. Then I would be sure not to blow my cool like everybody else. (LOL)
Some of her friends, whom I have never met, were heard to say "if your husband were in a nursing home this summer and a hundred other things were going wrong . . ."
Remember Dang, my ex? Well, he has been in a nursing home for over two years. Although he has had three other wives since me, I still occasionally have little "do this's" to take care of for him. These seem to have slowed some since Easter. In fact, they have been at a dead standstill since my car broke down on August 7. If we can't find the correct part, which Oldsmobile quit making while knowing they had a problem with it, it will be terminal.
At the same time I got this good news, I noticed my driver's license had not arrived on schedule. I called the local office. They said to call the state. The state said they showed I had paid for it but it had not been printed. Thus, said they, I had to go back to the local office and take my proof of residency again . . . and stand in line again and wait again.
Now, presents a new dilemma. I have to travel thirteen or fourteen miles from home for a legally required matter, and my closest "real" friend was miles and miles the other way. My family that drives was even further. The friend that I called came to help. I gave her 20 of my last 30 dollars cash for gas and we went on our way. Ah, luck smiled after all -- the line was very short.
My friend said $20 was too much for gas, so decided we would use the extra $10 for lunch at a Chinese restaurant she had heard about. Around here, Chinese lunches are usually four or five dollars, but lunch that day was over eight per person. So, I wound up spending most of my last $10. Number one son came by and needed the rest for bus fare, since my car was down. I have been here broke long enough to receive the driver's license and almost run out of food. But never fear, payday is Wednesday and I'll have a ride to the store on Thursday or Friday.
While dealing with all the trauma today, the neighbor from h e double hockey sticks returned from a trip and a bat got into my home and flew downstairs into my living room. Now, folks, does it sound to you like I'm a stranger to trouble? If you have been following my three blogs, you know the real truth.
And then the current truth is that I let these friends of my friend rile me today when I should have just walked away --figuratively, that is.
But, of course, I would be better prepared to understand others if I had a husband in a nursing home and were dealing with a hundred other things. Then I would be sure not to blow my cool like everybody else. (LOL)
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