When we have to face problems in our world, there probably is a reason for it. We will know for sure all of those reasons once our stay here is finished and we go to meet our maker. Until then, it is our responsibility to determine these reasons to the best of our ability and to meet them as well as we can.
I believe part of the purpose of facing adversity is for it to serve as a test. God places us in certain situations, sometimes over and over until He gets the desired response from us. If we keep repeating an inefficient or toxic response, He says, in effect, play it again.
The first reason vaguely hints toward the second. Problem situations are meant to teach. If we do learn to change from toxic or inappropriate responses to effective ones, we have learned. Some say the reason we are put on earth is to learn as much as we can. The challenge of living through these learning experiences (sometimes called crucibles) will make us grow. You know the saying, "Whatever doesn't kill us, makes us stronger".
More and more, I believe that some of our trials and tribulations have to be survived so that we can help others. One of the things I admire most about Oprah Winfrey is her willingness to expose her own feelings and vulnerability so that others can understand their problems better. It helps people see how others have learned to cope. It also doesn't hurt to know that we are not alone. Others have been in similar situations. Others are feeling abandoned -- alone. Others are facing your trials right now.
There are some recurrent crucibles in my life. One can be watered down to a serious need for autonomy. Believe me, when people sense this need, they act as though they want to beat me into submission. Autonomy, in their view, is not to be allowed.
The other is much more heart wrenching in that it is far more devastating to the people causing the crucible than it is for me. But, believe me, it is hard as h e double hockey sticks for me.
As I've implied, I believe when God sets up one's life in an inescapable path, He expects us to use our experiences to ease the pain of others no matter what the cost to ourselves. It seems my time has come.
During my youth, there were four guys (boys still at that time) that I liked well enough I might have married them. The first I met as a child. Our lives separated until the summer after my high school graduation. We dated for several months, despite a state's difference in our locations. That potential match faded away.
The second person, I knew for several years, but dated very briefly. In fact, he witnessed probably the very worst time I ever unleashed my evil temper on a non-family member. Why the temper? I had just begun dating him and really, really liked him. A guy from my hometown brought him home from college for a weekend visit. The host had never once indicated any interest in me. In fact, he always gave off vibes as if he didn't like anybody much. At church that Sunday, in front of his visitor, he chose to tease and flirt with me. He kept calling me by French terms of endearment like mon Cherie. I blew my stack. Like I said, he sure didn't want me, but he was staking his claim so that his friend would have to look like a cad to date me again. After my explosion, who would have wanted me anyway? But that is a different story.
The third relationship was serious enough we evolved to naming our future children. From this one, began to develop the six-month rule of dating. If a relationship hasn't reached a stage of talking marriage by the six month point, it will probably fall apart. It did. We couldn't put it back together.
I married the fourth. Now, don't go into a tiz that I am revealing my exe's secrets. First, his alcoholism is a matter of public knowledge and court record. Second, I do not have the same last name as he, plus I write under a pseudonym of sorts. More importantly, the people to whom it matters already know all about it.
The first young man and his wife later lived in one of the same towns as my husband and I. We visited socially a few times. The guys exchanged the word that they were both victims of this awful disease.
The second guy, I watched on television as he deplaned with other prisoners of war. Many years later I figured out that the coworker who had the same last name as he, was actually his wife. Our supervisor described how she stuck to him despite the fact he had turned to alcoholism because of experiences as a prisoner of war. Later his identity was confirmed as my friend from the past.
I never saw the third one take a drink. A summer college roommate and her fiancé informed me I was lucky to be rid of him because of his drinking problem. What? I took it with a grain of salt at the time. This future Southern Baptist minister who told the tale, probably believed one drink condemned someone to hell.
It was not until after I knew the information about my husband and the other two that I finally conceded it was probably true. That indicates to me that if the good Lord has a job for you to do, He will offer you a choice of people (free will), but conditions will be in place to get the same result. I've been able to help others several times because of my experience.
I don't plan to go on forever about this topic, but I will deal with it for a time. The next article in the blog will be an overview of the cause of alcoholism. And, my Southern Baptist friends out there -- alcoholism is a disease, not a sin. One should definitely stay away from the dregs (sediment) of the wine because of the disaster it's strength can bring. Plus, the good book says drunkenness is inappropriate. But it is apparently okay to partake of a weaker sample than the dregs. Jesus, himself, is famous for turning water into wine.
Before you kids go racing off to experiment, my comment was not meant as tacit permission. There are some really good reasons for never taking the first drink. This includes the fact that for many years it has been known that there is a genetic predisposition to become alcoholic. If there are alcoholics in your family -- who share your DNA -- you are more likely to become alcoholic than your buddies without the gene.
Enough for today.
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