On Being A Cad

Twice in my life I have worked commission sales positions.  In this line of work it is possible to meet all kinds of cads.  The interesting thing is how often the cad arrives in sheep's clothing as a "committed" man of God.


A friend once told a tale of a commission sales person who ruthlessly transferred all his non-paying insurance customers to her husband's account.  Her husband worked the list hard, anyway, and began bringing the clients back into the fold.  She was singing God's praises for making something good come from something meant for evil.


A woman from India, an immigrant, used to stop by a real estate kiosk when a particular realtor was on duty.  She picked the woman's brain for hours about available commercial properties.  The woman from India promised to be back with her father to complete the purchase.  The realtor saw a colleague and supposed friend leave with the woman and her father.  Later she confronted the "friend" for taking a client he knew to be hers.  His justification for doing so was that the father did not want to work with a woman.  Perhaps he was right to save the sale for the company, but as he had done none of the groundwork, it would have been appropriate for him to have shared the commission with the first realtor.  He did not.  There were no rules in place to cover this situation.


At another business there were firm rules in place as explained by the senior sales representative.  If a customer told the clerk ringing the sale that he had spoken with another sales person about the purchase, the sale was to be rung under the original person's number.  Frequently, the customer neglected to tell the clerk about this until the sale was completed or almost finished.  This entailed putting all the info back in the register to cancel the sale and then ringing it again under the other person's number.


One evening a frequent customer to the store stopped and told a representative that he had finally purchased the lawn tractor he had inquired about for several weeks.  He said he had told the elder salesperson that it should have been "your" sale.  The man had made an achhh sound and batted the air like the other person's sale was a pesky fly.  He rang it under his own number.


Now, I don't need to tell anybody that these men are real jerks -- cads, if you will.  They certainly were the forerunners of today's morally bankrupt throngs.  What I can't tell you is how to stop the trend.  The race toward immorality is much like a herd of lemmings racing toward their fate.  It seems impossible to stem the flow.  The best we, as Christians, can do is watch our own behavior and perhaps we'll be models for others.

What Does An IQ Mean?

One of the first things an aspiring school psychologist is taught is that there are many, many ways to be intelligent and that no intelligence test can test them all.  So, what does that mean?  It means that any one test can examine only a few skills and that the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) that is derived from it is an interpretation of the student's abilities or skills as measured by that test -- or another that tests the same type of abilities.  The Intelligence Quotient cannot tell us a person's capabilities on everything.  In addition, the most reliable and valid intelligence tests are those like the Binet and Wechsler scales.  All other measures pale by comparison, so should be taken with a grain of salt.


We've all known people with high IQs who don't have a lick of common sense.  Some would say they couldn't think their way out of a paper bag.  They can ace the test, but fail at life.  They seem incapable of balancing their checkbooks or justifying a bank statement.  They can't work a budget.  They just don't function well.


Others who can discuss Freud, Jung, Aristotle, Plato, cannot keep a roof over their heads.  And then there are those who don't do well in school, but can dismantle and rebuild an automobile or re-plumb a house.  How well can most of us do that?


There is also the real enigma, the person with the Midas touch.   I used to joke that I thought it was a part of middle child syndrome because I knew so many middle children with that gift. (No, I've never performed any research on the topic).


How many gifted sales people would knock the top off an intelligence test?  Can we even measure that kind of intelligence?  Probably not.  Certainly not with a measure of intelligence that produces an I. Q.


There are some problems with predicting and measuring gifts and achievement in this world.  They might be defined by a classification called overgeneralization. We depend too much on scores on tests.  We believe that if a child does well in school he will do well in all endeavors -- be kind of a Renaissance man.  But folks, there is too much to learn in too many categories to produce very many "Ren" men in this day and age.  One professor said Goethe was considered to be the last man to have all knowledge.  That was a very long time ago.  There is also a problem with how we define success and failure.  (Different strokes for different folks).


Most of us do best when we stick to the areas where we show giftedness and have our training.  We are also best served not to think that success in one endeavor makes us authorities in all fields.  We are limited by ability, education, practice, experience.  We are also propelled by ability, education, practice, experience. 


We are not defined by an IQ -- good or bad.  Neither are we limited by that IQ which does not show meaningful abilities like creativity, persistence, analysis, reliability, common sense, work ethic, people skills, charisma, friendliness, compassion, ability to relate to others, or the skill of taking a forest full of trees and figuring out the whole of a thing.


We are all complex, talented, gifted, and intelligent in our own ways.  And the world needs us all to make it twirl.  If you doubt me, remember my words the next time your car won't start or your drain won't drain. 

Microaggression? Are You Kidding Me?

In this never-ending power struggle over racism, we have a new hoop to jump through.  It is called microaggression -- which John McWhorter loosely defines as "small slights that carry a lot of weight."  (Time, April 14, 2014.)


The country has ended slavery, lynching, no service at restaurants, sitting in the back of the bus.  We have made great progress toward equal employment opportunities (Where the appropriate training and qualifications exist).  We are trying to achieve equal pay for the same jobs across races and genders.  And now you want to slap us with a new cross to carry?  Microagression?  You're kidding, right?


So, we don't already have enough ways we have to be politically correct, we have to go to the micro level?  Get real!


What exactly do African Americans have to lose when they have no major racist issues to assert themselves about?  Power!  Ever since the Civil Rights Movement began to achieve momentum, they have had right-minded, kind and caring whites by the "short hairs".  (And yes, I know what that means, but can think of no better description for the situation).  A tamer way to say it is they have these well-meaning people walking on egg shells.  Like heck do they plan to let that go.  So, they have now launched onto a concept of microaggressive acts.  I can just see us all attempting to edit every word that comes from our mouths and our pens.  In fact, I once knew a woman who had written a book.  She was on the same social circuit as we one year, getting a lot of mileage off her unpublished work.  She spoke in editorial mode as thought she were writing and had to get everything down in final draft on the first try.  It was slow and tedious work trying to hear her out.  Believe me, you don't want to endure much of that.


I already know something about microaggression.  My last article for Lou's Issues was about Sweetheart Compliments.  Such comments could fall under this term.  They can be made to anyone across races and genders.  They could be construed as racist, sexist, spiteful or just plain poor manners.


But I have to agree with Dr. John McWhorter (See Time, April 14, 2014 for an article explaining this concept).  He states, "But if it's considered racist for whites to designate any trait as a "black" one, we can't turn around and say they're racist to look at black people as just people. . . ."  Apparently looking at blacks as just some of us is unacceptable as well.  You are right Dr. McWhorter.  But don't expect your fellow blacks to give up labeling whites for either behavior.  They would have to give up too much control over good white people if they did that.  They make too much off of keeping whites walking on egg shells all the time.  That is a good passive aggressive manner of controlling others.


But keep in mind that there are some of us out here that understand the game.  Some of us are going to keep you reminded of your own racist behaviors.

What Can Be Wrong With A Compliment?

Have you ever felt put down by an apparent compliment?  A lot of people have.  Wonder why?  It may have been what Transactional Analysis labels as a sweetheart compliment.


So what is a sweetheart comment?  It is a compliment with a zinger built into it.  The mother of all sweetheart compliments I ever heard was when a woman told her coworker, "You must have gotten some new clothes, because you have been looking nice lately".


What is the compliment?  You have been looking nice.  What is the zinger?  There are two, actually.  One is the word lately.  It says that before lately you have been looking noticeably badly.  The second zinger is the coworker must have gotten new clothes because she could not look nice without the aid of this clothing.  The lady who received the barbed comment did not take it lightly.


More frequently one hears someone say something like, "You look nice today."  The statement again implies today is the only time you look nice.


So what would be a more complimentary compliment?  Just a simple, "I like your shirt, your outfit, your dress."

Today on television I heard a cohost of a talk show tell a guest "I am proud of you."  To tell another that you are proud of them implies you hold a superior position to them.  Perhaps you have the advantage of age and experience.  There was no appreciable age difference to warrant the person's pride in the other.  If Betty White had told Jennifer Anniston she was proud of her, that would have been acceptable.  Betty could be conceived of as an older adult encouraging a younger person -- a nurturing parent comment.  It is also acceptable because Ms. White has many more years of experience than Ms. Anniston.


There was also a career imbalance in this case.  A person of far lesser star achievement was complimenting a person who was a much greater star.  It was, therefore, inappropriate for her to place herself in a superior position as though she were the big star to be encouraging others.  The person giving the compliment insulted the other because she assumed she was of more note than the real star.  It just shouldn't be done.


Here, a better thing for her to have done was just say, "I've enjoyed your work so much".  That way there is no putdown involved.