So You Think You're the One?

Come on folks, let's face it.  I'm just not that hot.  In fact, I wasn't all that hot when I was young and generally described as cute and sweet.  So why in my seventy-fifth summer did I get "hit on" in stores on two consecutive shopping trips?  Why does the grapevine keep circulating my name as special friend to someone I've never even met?  I don't care if he lives right next door to me, I've never met him.  In fact maybe he's looking for my next door neighbor.  As far as I know, she's actually looking for someone, cute young widow that she is.  She's not all worn out from waiting on a significant other.  She'd probably still like a little girl to go with that little boy of hers.  At the risk of sounding paranoid, who sent you?  Who put you up to this?  How high is the bet?

You might think I'm just imagining all this.  So, how would you take it if a stranger bent over in front of you, looked up into your face -- not more than a foot away -- and smiled while you were selecting face soap from a bin.  No, I'm sure I didn't know him.

Then there is the one I call "Hair".  Rude, you say?  Since I've never met him either, I don't know what else to call him.  He actually shampooed his habitually greasy hair, parted it in the middle and let it flow down past his shoulders.  He knew he looked pretty nice.  Then, he walked down the street toward his prey -- a look of anticipation and sureness of result on his face.  But the result wasn't as anticipated.  How confused that made him.  Where was his error?

Could it be their goals are different?  He, like many men, is pretty casual about the sex thing.  If people are attracted to each other, why complicate things with marriage and playing house?  Why not get it on and then get on to the next one?

Does she have a say?  So you decided she was your summer fling?  Does she want a fling?  Maybe, unlike you, she wants a long-term relationship complete with white satin and lace?  Maybe she really is ready for her 2.3 children and the picket fence.  Can she tell by your gait that you are not the permanent kind?

And what happens to her if she agrees to a summer thing?  How many of those could she survive before such as you looked askance?  Even in this age, they call women sluts if they have more than a couple of summer encounters.  How deep does your concern for her go?  Is it that you just want to be the one who wins that bet?

Or maybe she has been there and done that.  Maybe one longer-term marriage was sufficient for her.  Perhaps she is luxuriating in the freedom from a high maintenance dude, an over-controlling parent or a bunch of finally grown kids.  Maybe even a summer of fun feels like too much loss of freedom.  You can never tell.

Then maybe she fears you are one of those types that requires being married.  If she offered you the opportunity to "live in sin" instead of tying her down, what would you say?  "No?"  Would you express your need to have a helpmate to cook and clean the house while you worked a minimum wage job to support her?  Would you promise her she could cater your weekend parties?  Would you tell her the names of your future children?

Have you asked her what kind of things she likes to do?  Does she like to read?  Do you?  Does she hate sports, especially those in which you revel?  Is she the cerebral type, and you the mechanic who leaves car parts all over the house and yard?  What do you have in common?  You don't know?  Why the heck not?

You mean you've never walked up and introduced yourself?  You've never discussed the weather?  Yet, you thought to break the ice by getting her into the sack straight away.  What ever happened to going out to dinner or a movie?  Is that a thing of the past? 

Or are you married, looking for something on the side?  Maybe she considers herself a coveted entrée, not a side dish.    Maybe she deserves a little respect and expects a lot of it.  Do you know that in a woman's experience, married men are the number one most likely people to "hit on" a single female?  They are said to represent at least one third of the men who subscribe to singles services.  Second are young black men hoping to stop by for a while, leave a baby and take off again.  Third are young white men less than one third her age.  Are you one of these, or are you older than you appear?  Perhaps if you knew her age, you would not be interested at all.  But did you do anything to find out?

Of course, there is always the chance she is involved already, but did you think to find out?  Or maybe she is married, but he is away in the military.  Worse, at her age, he may be in a nursing home.

So, nevertheless, you think you're the one.  Well possibly you could have been, but probably not.  But you'll never know.  Why not?  Because you presumed that if you decided, it would just be.  You didn't go to any effort to find out who she, the person inside of the body, is.  You did not talk to her.  You did not wine and dine her.  She was worth no effort from you other than you deciding you were the one.  And once you finally decided, your approach was all wrong.  You showed her that you were sure of her.  That made it too late.