Walking On Eggshells

I heard a well-known family therapist speak one time about communication within the family.  He used his own mother as an example of someone the family was always "walking on eggshells with"; someone one could not engage in communication with about her participation in family problems.  If anybody suggested to her, however mildly, that she might make some changes so family interactions could go better, she would take offense.  How dare anyone "criticize" her?  Thus communications and interactions in the family could never completely improve.

Communications experts teach us now that rather than telling someone that their behaviors are causing a problem, we tell them how their behaviors make us feel  --  unloved, angry, left out, frustrated, whatever.


I don't believe it is too far fetched to say that good communication is the basis of good relationships.  Without it, there is no relationship.  People have to be able to address any and all issues honestly and completely.  And the experts are correct  --  it is better to present how you feel than it is to accuse the other person of wrongdoing.  And oh, how hard that is!  I could use lessons in this.


It might be considered that the person who cannot accept and admit to their own errors in interactions has a poor self concept.  A more self assured person would take a more assertive stance and ask for more information and determine if the other individual has a genuine "case", so to speak.  If they have, you might want to adjust your own behaviors to ease the stress in the relationship.


I once heard (through the paper thin walls of an apartment house), a man tell a woman, "I am not the one being unreasonable about this.  You are."  It was no surprise when he moved out before the week was up.  Apparently nobody was accepting responsibility for the rift.  Nobody was guilty.  Nobody was saying, "There may not be anything wrong or unreasonable about the way you are acting, but here is how it make me feel."


It boils down to everyone accepting responsibility for the rifts.  It is crucial to the healing process.


All problem interactions are power struggles of one kind or another.  There are no winners of power struggles unless all parties accept responsibility and hold themselves accountable.  This is true in the home, workplace, and the community at large.  Good communication is a recognition of everyone's needs and then negotiation to compromise.