Developing Relationships

I once heard a well-known family therapist use his own family as an example for teaching.


Per him, his mother was a very difficult person.  There could be no discussion of problems or negotiations about a situation.  Nobody could even imply that she was slightly imperfect.   Her view was always the correct one.


His father, on the surface, always came off like the bad guy.  It was after the therapist reached adulthood that he began to realize his father hadn't had it so easy himself.


How can anyone express his or her wishes to someone who always sees himself/herself as right, even perfect?  The essence of a good relationship, especially a marriage, depends on all individuals being able to say "When you behave that way, it makes me feel . . .".  If an individual can never discuss issues, no progress can be made.


Though this therapist worked with families, the need to negotiate and to see our own flaws is crucial to all of our relationships in the home, at work, in society.  Everyone must be able to express their feelings with the full attention and cooperation of the other individual.  If not, the relationship has little chance.