So, what's the deal? Is there some big sign on my back that says, "I was born to serve, so to heck with my own needs?" Just get in line and state your wishes. I'll be happy to cut you down to size at once.
Jesus Christ of Nazareth did a number on a whole bunch of Christians. We took his admonitions to be meek and to serve others too much to heart. I'm sure Jesus didn't mean to turn so many of us into foot rugs, but that was the result for a lot of people over a number of years.
As an undergraduate, I unthinkingly did the bidding of others. My roommate needed posters for her run for class officer, I took time out to make them. The Southern Baptists around me thought I should go to church instead of studying for finals, I went to church. Somebody asked me to write her paper, I taught her how to write. My goal of graduating from college was severely threatened by my initiation to the "servants of the world club." I wised up just in time.
This kind of behavior is a problem for many people. Self-help experts write articles and give speeches meant to help people learn to say no. And hear this, they say it's even okay to do so.
The time wasters really came out of the woodwork as soon as I retired. Several people were searching for volunteers. No less than four individuals asked me to do their housecleaning. Two of these wanted me to move into their homes as an unpaid housekeeper. One of these expected me to contribute toward expenses.
Several people wanted me as their personal taxi service. Most of them didn't want to contribute gas money, at least not every time. I'm not talking about just family here. I even have a casual acquaintance wanting my car service.
A friend strolled down to ask me to fix her computer. Is she crazy? I'm a computer user, not a techie.
Two people have asked me to write their books. One didn't mention money at all. The other wanted me to work for a share of the profits on a book that wouldn't have sold a handful of copies.
A group asked me to design a garden for them -- for free.
Let me bottom line this for everyone. I have my own agenda, so I don't need yours. For every minute I spend meeting your goals, I lose a minute on my own. I'm not making and decorating your cakes unless you are family. I'm not editing your writing for free. I'm not researching your project for you. I'm trained in these skills. You can't afford me.
I'm not taking over your sales responsibilities so you can go off and do crafts. You may have been joking when you asked, but I don't think you would have turned me down if I'd said yes.
If I'm lucky enough to live to be 107, my life is almost three quarters gone. That doesn't leave much time to finish the great American novel or to read the thousands of dollars of nonfiction I bought when I didn't have time to read. I have crocheting and quilting in process. I have roses to smell. I can't have that many years left to do my thing.
All those years that I was working, I was building dreams of my own. My kids are grown. My grandkids are almost grown and now it's my turn. I get to fulfill my own wishes now.
I don't want to write your stuff, I'm writing my own. I don't want to clean your house. I need someone to clean for me.
Keep in mind my Mama didn't raise any dummies and I, for sure, didn't go through all those torturous hours of education to end up your mark.
So do you understand? I need you to go and live your own life and keep your mitts off of mine. I'm sure others feel the same.
And now is the time the guilt should set in because I have protected myself. Jesus, whatever were you thinking?
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